..hold your breath, she said..

and I heard your heart.
so strong, already you make me feel proud.
You held still long enough for us to take it all in.
Your little nose, your little arms leading up to your little hands,
you are so beautiful my little life.
My eyes filled with tears before I could take a breath,
my hand felt cold from Bryan squeezing as hard as he could.
We love you so much.
I can't wait to see you again.

From this moment...

I stand here with the company of my own reflection,
feeling as tho time slowed itself so that I am able to begin to swallow
the sight of that little tiny positive sign that is a promise of everything that will
completely change my life forever,
this surreal presence in my womb, this life that I prayed for every month.
And cried for when it didn't come.

There isn't a name for this feeling,
I'm sure every woman would become tired in the attempt,
or maybe we just choose to hold this emotion amongst ourselves,
our own little silent commonality,
I am now part of the club.

As I slowly walk towards him, life changer in hand, I rehearse all the ways I want to tell him..
but all I can do is hold it up,
mouth sealed,
words fail,
eyes saying everything.

Its beautiful watching, front row, his moment, his heart quicken, his realization,
his excitement that he succeeded, he looked so proud, so sweet,
right at this moment is when love begins its new evolution.

We couldn't hold eachother tight enough,
it still doesn't feel real, but I don't want this feeling to escape me,
I need to lock it in,

so for now I will hold as still as I can and breathe in deeply,
so as to make me as comfortable as I can for my new guest...

everything starts somewhere.

in the most simple glance
in a kiss
in a silent embrace with noisy butterflies filling your stomach
in a promise
in a wish
in a prayer whispered to a soft pillow right before a dream
in a dandelion
in the wind chasing the waves
in the palms of hands
at the end of fingertips
in silence
in clouds
in tears
in joy
in fear

in a womb holding a tiny soul, whom I already love so much
(this is where we begin,in our own very tiny moments,
where no one can hear me but you, feeling my breathing,
my heart beating for you, my arms waiting for you,
these tears making the contours of my own face seem unfamiliar,
no longer my own, only for you.)

I am building you a nest full of
love
and promises
and sunshine
and dandelions
and kisses
and tears
and grandmas
and clouds
and words
and flowers

and dreams
(because that is where you started)

In response.

Your words hang over this page like a cloud trying to let out its pour.
Like a fury full of nothing but adoration.
(and maybe a tall glass of red wine and quiet tears.)

Why do you hold yourself back in your emotion towards his own
inability to understand?

Do you secretly fear it is not in his hands?

Or are you always waiting for something to go wrong,
because it always has.
But only in the past.

Please continue to go through love the only way you know how,
heart unfurled,
arms wide open,
eyes holding only to the warm of his gaze,

of his hands.

Because that is how you shine.

But, my insatiable star,
if you choose to hold onto this with the diligence of your own silent passion,
deciding to love with a beautifully composed restraint,
Do it knowing it is always standing right in front of you,


he just has a hard time finding the words.

eyes closed.

inhale, heart unfurled,
tasting spring on the edge of his kiss.
the salt of his skin.

(these are the moments i hold)
somewhere between my head and my palm.

his fingertips full of promises,
his eyes holding my breathing.

endless tomorrow,
constant we,
building the foundation
of everything that settles my restless spirit.

I couldn't live without his glance,
his strength,
his balance....

those hands.

silent rain.

keep your head up sister.

here hold my hand,
lets walk through the clouds..

look into your hands,
see all the lines of your path,
your living,

you only
grow
and
grow.

somewhere between you head and feet
is that heart
unable to make this any easier.

but you are on your way,
you know what to do,
just keep seeing things in the right color.

TOGETHER.

.sinew.

you hold things which unclose people within your fingertips.
you catch emotion and translate it in a form that carries more depth than words.
(who are you?)

you carry more emotion than your frame can handle and your hands could ever render..
constantly defining, constantly showing how things look through your eyes
(made of the clearest water.)

you bleed through the end of that brush, effortlessly traslating
a face that I cannot look away from.
eyes that I swear are looking into me.
(where did you come from?)

I'm happy to have you beside me on this constant evolution of chasing the only thing that fuels our spirits.
redefining success and composing faith in our own religion of movement.
of change.
because we won't settle for anything but flowers.
and tears.
and paintings.
and translating a heart in it's own breathing.
because this is all that matters.
it's all there is left to believe in.

this
is
living.


and

YOU
my dear brother,
are
GLORIOUS.


never look down.
know how amazing you are.